


Darling We're All Just Splintered and Battered

by PepperPaprikashPecanPie



Series: Finding Home [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Home, Hurt/Comfort, post-Sochi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 23:25:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15326715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperPaprikashPecanPie/pseuds/PepperPaprikashPecanPie
Summary: She could feel the moment that he began to respond.  A deep breath in his lungs.  An arm spanning the width of her back, clasping the opposite shoulder, pulling her body in close, as if he could hug her very soul.  God, what she wanted to tell him.You belong. You are loved. You are wanted.  You’re not alone.





	Darling We're All Just Splintered and Battered

**Author's Note:**

> If never you find what you’re looking for,  
> Come on back to the front porch.  
> Say my name through the screen door,  
> Come on back to the front porch.  
> Whatever you’ve done, it doesn’t matter,  
> Cause darlin’ we’re all just splintered and battered,  
> But the light is on, what are you waiting for?  
> Come on back, come on back to the front porch.
> 
>  
> 
> This work is inspired by two beautiful songs by the incomparable Joy Williams, "Welcome Home," and "Front Porch," which is yet to be released. I've changed a few things that happened for the sake of the storyline. :)

** November, 2014 **

The candle on her bedside table crackled, casting a flickering glow against the wall and filling the room with the warm scent of vanilla and amber. In the inky darkness outside, a storm raged, sending sheets of rain pounding against the roof of the small lakeside cottage. Gusts of wind rattled the set of French doors that led to the small balcony right outside the bedroom. She couldn’t see the lake through the darkness, but she heard the water churning against the shoreline, as if it were angry with the night.

Being alone in the creaky little cottage definitely was not her favourite. She had gotten used to the gentle padding of her mother’s slippers on the stairs and the near-silent inhale and exhale of her sister’s breathing, asleep in the bed beside her. She pressed her bookmark deep into the crevice between pages and reached over to blow out the candle and turn off the small lamp beside the bed. Her room was plunged into darkness as the storm raged on outside. She tucked herself under the quilt made by her Nonni, willing the onslaught of emotions that typically hit around this time to stay at bay.

The tears stung at the corners of her eyes, threatening to escape, though she willed them not to come. One disobedient tear slid down her cheek and was quickly absorbed by the pillow under her face. She didn’t know why exactly she felt like crying, but she did know that it had something to do with a man a few hours away, likely fast asleep in the sleepy small town he now called home. She’d heard that things were going well for him, that he was still dating that curler he’d met in Sochi. Everything was hearsay at this point. Someone’s sister had seen him and told their mother’s hairdresser’s cousin’s girl that he looked to be doing fine. Somebody had told a friend of a friend who told her. That was how news traveled these days, god forbid he pick up a phone and call her.

 _No._ She had told herself that she wouldn’t go down this path again. Sometimes it struck her again and again how different they truly were. She didn’t know how she could sit here at her mom’s lake house alone, pretending to relax, while he was going about business as usual in Ilderton, somehow immune to the deep melancholy that had settled over her life. Somehow he had managed to move on with his life and she sat here stuck in what used to be. Except now he wasn’t by her side and she hadn’t even realized how much of who she had become was intertwined with him.

It had been nine months since they’d earned twin silver medals in Sochi. Seven months since they’d decided to take a break from competitive skating. Seven months since she’d felt like his partner in any form of the word. She’d told herself that she needed to let him go. She needed to learn to be herself apart from him. He seemed to be doing pretty well with his perky little curler at his side.

She spent several minutes trying the deep breathing techniques that she’d worked hard to perfect before the Olympics, willing sleep to come and shut down her mind. She had reached the state somewhere between sleep and consciousness when she was brought back by the sound of tires against the pavement of the driveway and the slam of a car door. _Strange._ It wasn’t her mom, she would have parked in the garage. She knew for a fact that Jordan had been out celebrating with friends in Toronto tonight. She certainly wouldn’t have made the drive.

A sharp knock on the door caused her to bolt upright in bed. She knew better than to answer the door at this time of night. The fist pounded again at the door, causing her to grab her phone. Should she call the police? Just stay up here in her second floor room and wait it out?

She climbed out of bed and crept over to the set of French doors that looked out over the front lawn and the lake beyond. Beneath her, the porch light shed a dim light over the driveway and she could see the outline of a dark car against the pavement.

Within two seconds flat, she tore out of her room and ran down the stairs to the front door. She threw open the heavy door, fully aware of the face that she would find on the other side.

What met her was darkness, the mist of the storm blowing across her porch, and a hunched figure making his way down the sidewalk away from her house.

“Scott!” she called into the storm. The wind carried the sound of her voice out over the lake, far from the ears of the one person that needed to hear it.

Despite her pajamas and bare feet, she dashed into the storm, ice cold torrents of rain pelting her bare arms. She reached him right before he was able to grab the handle of the car door, her hand coming to rest on his left shoulder and her voice ringing out above the sound of the storm. “Scott.”

His eyes took in her figure, soaked to the core, threadbare pajamas clinging to her skin, before clasping her outstretched hand and following her back to the house. She pushed the door closed behind him before turning around to face the one person she didn’t feel like she understood anymore, but the only one to understand her inside and out, backwards and forwards.

His hair had gotten longer and it hung in wet strands across his forehead, sending trails of water over his eyelids and dripping off the tips of his eyelashes. His brown eyes were the same with flecks of gold and green around the pupils. Those same eyes that had never left her mind were now rimmed with red and set into dark circles. His shoulders were still hunched as if walking against a strong wind, but here inside the cottage it was calm.

She reached out a hand to touch his shoulder, as if just the simple act of touching him would bring him here to the present. But his eyes remained downcast, refusing to meet her gaze. He wasn’t here with her. This wasn’t the real Scott. The Scott she knew would be smiling at her right now, laugh lines wrinkling the corners of his eyes. He’s so far removed from that version of him that she once knew.

She threw her arms around his neck, willing him to find solace in her embrace. It had been seven long months since she’d been alone with him, able to hold him close, seven long months since she’d been able to drink in the warmth of his presence. But he stood there, as immovable as a stone, solid and strong beneath her, yet utterly cold and unresponsive. The only motion she felt from him was the rhythm of his heart thudding against his ribcage, clashing out of time with her own. She could feel his eyelashes flutter against her neck as he began to process the feeling of having her in his arms again.

“God, I’ve missed you.” She breathed against his ear, praying that the warmth she craved from him would somehow come flooding back into his body.

She could feel the moment that he began to respond. A deep breath in his lungs. An arm spanning the width of her back, clasping the opposite shoulder, pulling her body in close, as if he could hug her very soul. God, what she wanted to tell him.

_You belong. You are loved. You are wanted. You’re not alone._

He pressed his face into the hollow at the base of her neck, inhaling deeply the scent of bergamot and something else so distinctly Tessa. She felt as the waves broke, a heaving sob breathed out against her chest. His fingers carded through the wet strands of hair at the nape of her neck, clutching the back of her head as she whispered everything and nothing into his ear. His body shook against hers. her hand rubbed reassuring strokes up and down his back. She could feel his body relax, his breaths now coming slow and even, his heartbeat thudding to the same rhythm as her own, just as it had done for so many years prior.

He pulled away from her to look her in the eyes. She laughed at the scene that had unfolded before her- soaking wet, eyes red and watery, heart more full now than it had been before. A sad smile spread slowly across his face.

“Hey there, stranger.” she spoke softly, toying with the long strands of hair that hung wet against his neck.

“Hey back.” This time, the smile reached his eyes. 

Simply being in his presence gave her a sense of peace that had been missing for too long. 

“T, you’re shivering.” He rubbed his hands up and down her arms, trying to return some semblance of warmth to her body. She’d only been wearing a threadbare pajama set that was comprised of a cotton tank top and shorts.

Tessa grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the stairs. “Come on. I’m sure I can find something for you to wear as well. It’s better if you don’t have to go back outside.” When they reached her room, she pulled out another set of pajamas for herself and then began digging through her drawers for something suitable for Scott. In the bottom of one of the drawers, she found an old and worn pair of sweatpants with Canada emblazoned down the side of one of the legs. In another drawer, she pulled out a Canada t-shirt and a familiar old blue Leafs hoodie, was much too big to be her own. 

Scott couldn’t help but chuckle. “So that’s where all of my comfy clothes had run off to!”

Tessa shrugged and thrust the pile of clothes into his arms. “Just think of where you’d be right now if I hadn’t taken them.” She winked before grabbing her own pile of clothes and ducking into the bathroom.

She emerged a moment later and found Scott pulling the hoodie over his head. The two ambled down to the kitchen, flipping on a few lamps along the way. He immediately took a seat on a bar stool at the big island in the center of the kitchen. Tessa opened various cabinets and pulled out a few items. This had been a ritual of sorts since 2012, when they had first started to feel Marina’s allegiances shift. Some nights she would show up at his place so utterly exhausted, upset, and homesick, desperately seeking the comfort of the one person who knew her better than she knew herself. Other times he would knock on the door of her apartment, angry at the world and wishing that he could hop in his car and drive across the border to the place where he knew the streets like the back of his hand and a wide expanse of land stretched into the distance, as far as the eye could see. No matter the circumstance, the response had always been the same- welcoming the other into their apartment wordlessly and reaching into the back of a high cabinet to produce a bottle of bourbon and setting a tea kettle on the stove to heat. Beer was what they drank to have a good time, champagne they sipped to celebrate, but a hot toddy was their drink of comfort. Tonight was no different.

As she tossed tea bags into the twin white mugs, Tessa broke the silence.

“How have you been?” The question was loaded. She knew so little about the past few months in his life.

Scott shrugged his shoulders in response. “Okay, I guess.”

Tessa poured a tentative amount of bourbon into each mug before looking to Scott. He raised his eyebrows and tilted his head before responding, “Well, I don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow, do you?”

“Nope.” Tessa responded, popping the sound of the letter “p” as she tipped a little more bourbon into each mug.

“How about you, Tess? How are you doing?”

The tea kettle behind her started to whine and she pulled it off the heat before it could grow into a scream. Steam curled around her face as she poured the boiling water into the mugs.

“Not too bad. It’s been nice having some freedom in the way that I choose to spend my day, you know?” She set the kettle back on the stove and turned back to hand him one of the steaming mugs. Her eyes focused on the mug and his hand, not his eyes. She knew that one look at him and he’d see right through her. That she wasn’t okay and she hadn’t been okay in seven months.

“You enjoy that?” He asked gently, stirring his drink. “That’s one of my least favorite parts. Days just feel so aimless.”

Tessa nodded. “I understand that,” She raised her mug to her nose and breathed deeply the scent of lemon and honey, among other things. “But there’s nothing quite like taking my tea outside in the morning, looking up at the blue sky, hearing the sounds of the lake, and savoring the fact that I can do these things every day, not just on the occasional weekend away.”

“I guess that’s true. I just can’t stop staring at my shoes and wishing they were skates. And I can’t stop looking at my buddies and wishing they were you.” His eyes locked with hers, waiting for her reaction.

“You just can’t compare them. It’s like we live in two different worlds- one on the ice together and the other one in the outside world.” Her voice dropped as she thought back to her other world, so very far away. “You just can’t compare them. Each time I do, I come up empty.”

“Makes sense.” He nodded in understanding. He took a deep pull from his mug, savoring the slight burn as he swallowed the hot liquid. “So what have you been up to these days?”

Tessa shrugged. “Nothing really. Working on jewelry designs and brand promotions, renovating my house in London, and taking classes whenever I can manage to squeeze them in. All that and spending as much time as I can with my family.”

“How are they doing?” Scott replied. His eyes shone with the genuine concern that she’d come to know and love over the past 17 years.

Her face lit up in response as she launched into detailed accounts of her family members and how she finally got to pay a visit to Poppy’s preschool class. She told Scott how Poppy had introduced her saying, “This is my Aunt T and she won a gold medal at the ‘lympics with Uncle S, but he couldn’t come today.” She told him of how her eyes filled with tears when she’d looked up from the book that she’d been reading to the class and spotted Poppy with her gold medal from Vancouver looped around her neck. She told him of how the little girl had gently run her fingers over the swirls and ridges before pressing the medal to her lips and cradling it against her cheek. She’d always said that the moments had mattered more than the hardware that they’d collected, but in that moment, she’d never been more thankful for a hunk of gold-plated metal strung on a ribbon.

“So how is the Moir clan these days? She asked. Her mind ran through the list of people that she considered family as much as her own. “I hope Ilderton survived another summer of the infamous Moir backyard barbecues.”

Scott’s face lightened as his mind wandered back to the people and the place that he so fiercely loved. “Well I think that the shops in town have finally managed to restock beer after this past summer.” Scott chuckled in response and took another sip from his mug. “Being Uncle Scott is my favorite thing in the world. It’s nice to be there in person and not just see the kids through pictures and facetime. Quinnie and I are working on her t-ball skills. She’s getting so big!”

He mentally checked off people one by one as he updated Tessa on his various family members. Boy, had she missed them too.

By the time he’d finished, both mugs were empty and he felt lighter than he had in months. The deep creases in his forehead had faded and a slight smile lifted at the corners of his mouth. She moved their mugs to the sink and started up the stairs, beckoning him to follow. The two passed the guest room on the left at the top of the stairs. He hadn’t stayed in it any other time he had visited. He was silently grateful that he wouldn’t be staying there tonight. He could see the glow of Tessa’s bedside lamp illuminating the doorway of the bedroom down the hall. He made his way to the left side of the bed, knowing that Tessa preferred the right. He drew back the covers just as she did. They smiled at the unintended unison of it all- the way that their bodies remembered to mirror one another, even after months of space. 

He sighed heavily as soon as his head hit the pillow and his body began to relax in a way that he hadn’t been able to make happen for the better part of seven months. He glanced over at her silhouette, outlined by the moonlight that had emerged now that the raging storm had passed. Her eyes glittered like two black stars in the darkness. He ran his hand over the curve of her shoulder and down the soft skin of her arm. He smiled at the familiarity of it all. The way his body and mind craved the simplicity of being in her presence.

“Ugh. Just flip over already!” She laughed into the darkness. She didn’t need light to see the way his face lit up in response. He shuffled under the sheets until his back faced her. She drew herself close, pressing herself against the warm, solid plane of his back. She draped her arm over him and his fingers locked with hers as he pressed her hand ever closer to his heart. Her legs twined with his, just as though they were the roots of a tree- independent, yet ever connected, keeping the two grounded, rooted in reality.

She pressed her nose against the skin right above the collar of his shirt. She breathed deeply the scent of his skin, savoring the feeling of his body pressed against hers, the rise and fall of his chest beneath their intertwined fingers. A moan of contentment rumbled low and deep through his chest and caused the corners of her mouth to draw up in the smallest of smiles.

This. Right here. This was what was missing. She could fill her days with books, jewelry designs, and black coffee in a real mug by the lake. She could surround herself with her closest friends and family. She could be on the covers of ten more magazines, but there would always be something missing without him by her side.

“Missed you, T.” Was the very last thing that she heard before sleep overtook her.

* * *

She awoke to sunlight streaming through the French doors in her room and a bright blue sky outside. It looked as though the world had all but forgotten about the storm that had happened last night. She arched her back and stretched against the mattress before she remembered. _Scott._ Her bed was empty, but his scent still lingered on the pillow beside her. Of course he couldn’t stay. But oh. How lovely it had been to have him back, even if only for a few hours.

Suddenly the most wonderful smell wafted through the air carrying the scent of coffee laced with something else that made her mouth water. Tessa rolled out of bed and grabbed the cotton bath robe that hung on the back of her door. As she made her way down the stairs, she heard the low timbre of Scott’s voice in the morning singing along to something country that was playing quietly in the background.

When she came to the bottom of the steps, she found him. Her eyes traveled across the broad expanse of his back to where his sweatpants hung low across his hips. He was facing away from her as he flipped a pancake on the stove. She couldn’t help but grin in delight at the sight of him making them breakfast in her kitchen. At that moment, he turned around and his eyes met hers. His face split into a wide grin that spread all the way to his eyes. Laughter rumbled low in his chest, reminding her of the guy she had once spent incredible amounts of time with early in the mornings. She couldn’t remember the last time that she had seen him this carefree. This full of joy.

The smile that she returned was involuntary as she grabbed the steaming mug of coffee from his outstretched hand.

“Good morning!” 

“Ugh.” Tessa laughed in response. “I forgot how chipper you get before 11 am.”

Scott turned around with a smile and poured some more batter onto the skillet. “Chocolate chips?” He glanced over his shoulder and one pointed look told him all he needed to know. He reached into the cabinet beside the stove and pulled out an open bag of chocolate chips, sprinkling a few into the batter.

Tessa watched in appreciation knowing that if it were her, she’d be boiling eggs in plastic wrap because some days even poaching an egg in boiling water alone was too much of a fuss. Poached eggs were pretty much the only thing that she could safely cook. 

She had missed this- having him in her life. He’d always taken such good care of her, even in moments like these when it was obvious that he hadn’t been taking good care of himself.

She raised the steaming cup of coffee to her lips and hummed in appreciation as it warmed her soul. She had never been a morning person, but if all of her mornings started like this, she’d be happy to reconsider. 

As grateful as she was for his calming presence and culinary skills, she knew that they needed to talk about what was really happening sooner or later. He had never been one to pick up and leave whatever he had been doing without leaving some sort of a mess.

“Hey Scott? Don’t get me wrong, I love that you’re here, but how is it that you can be here? Isn’t there somewhere that you should be right now?” _Or someone you should be with?_

Scott flipped the pancake in the pan, set the spatula down, and grabbed the edge of the countertop with both hands. She could see the muscles ripple in his arms and back as he tensed. This was clearly the conversation that he had been avoiding.

“I just couldn’t do it anymore, Tess.” He spoke through gritted teeth. “I don’t even know how things got to be this bad.”

She knew what he needed right now. She knew exactly how to comfort him, but the thing was, he wasn’t hers to comfort. She watched him for a moment, the tension palpable before making her decision.

She stood up quietly and walked around the kitchen island to where he stood, his back still facing her. She pressed the palms of her hands against his back and ran them up to his shoulder blades. His muscles were tense, so she pushed her thumbs against his shoulders, rubbing circles until she felt him start to relax.

“Come on. Let’s eat our breakfast and then we can figure it out.”

He nodded quickly and handed her a plate of pancakes for her to take to her seat and he joined her moments later, standing on the other side of the island. They ate in relative silence, the simple sounds of acoustic guitar echoing in the kitchen from the small bluetooth speaker on the counter. Silence had never bothered her before when it came to him, but today it covered everything with a thick blanket. She’d never not known how his life was going. It was unnerving. The only sound apart from the music was the clink of their forks against the plates as they finished their pancakes.

“I know it’s cold, but would you want to go for a walk along the lake?” Tessa broke the silence. “We can take our coffee in travel mugs.”

Scott nodded as he reached over to clear her breakfast plate. “Yeah. Let’s do that.” A brief smile crossed his lips before he turned to place the dishes in the sink.

Scott ran out to his car to grab the gym bag that he kept stashed in his trunk for days like these. Tessa had always kept hers stocked with an extra outfit for whatever the day might bring. Years ago, he’d started doing the same after an unfortunate incident involving his pants splitting right up the butt. Now he was thankful that he’d continued, even after competitive skating seemed to be in the rearview mirror.  
By the time he changed in the downstairs bathroom, she’d emerged from upstairs wearing a worn pair of loose fitting jeans, a gray sweater, and a Leafs hat on her head. A warm smile graced her lips as she walked forward to meet him, carrying their two travel mugs of coffee. This, right here, was his favorite version of Tessa. No makeup, no formalities, no need to impress. She had obviously just finished brushing her teeth, as there was a little bit of toothpaste right below the corner of her mouth. Wordlessly, he licked his thumb and reached out to wipe at the mark. Her mouth dropped open slightly as her eyes found his. He could feel her subtle intake of breath as it cooled his fingers. 

“Scott…” She muttered lowly. 

His eyes dropped, along with his hand. He wiped his thumb on his jeans and reached out to grab her hand. “Let’s walk, T.”

They made their way out to the path that led along the shoreline of the lake, her feet matching his step for step. Silence had always been easy for them. Over the years they’d learned to exist in the companionable silence that had simply come from the comfort of being around one another. For the first time in years, though, the silence was laced through with tension.

“Where do I begin?” His eyes were trained on his feet as they shuffled along the pavement.

“How about last night?” Tessa questioned. “Why did you come? I love that you did. But why?”

His shoulders rose with a deep inhale. “Well that’s a more complicated story than what happened just last night.”

“Scott, you’re not going to make me mad, piss me off, or drive me away. You can’t. So let me in.”

“In March, I bought a house.”

“A house?” Tessa echoed, trying to keep her voice even. She’d heard about it through the grapevine, of course, but he didn’t need to know that. “Where is it at?”

“Right outside of Ilderton. On some land. There is a large pond in the backyard. It needed some work, but I fell in love with it immediately. Charlie and Danny agreed to help out since it was basically inhospitable when I’d first bought it. I’d lived with my parents for the first part of the summer until we’d had a chance to refinish the floors, put up some walls, and get the kitchen and a bathroom in working order, but I moved in mid-June and I’ve been working on it pretty much every spare moment I’ve got.”

“Wow! That’s amazing!” Tessa’s voice sounded brighter than it should have, forced enthusiasm making her cringe.

“It was probably a dumb move, but I couldn’t help it. I just saw the place and couldn’t imagine anyone else living there, you know?”

She did know. It was exactly how she had felt about her place in London. The minute she had walked through the front door, she had known it was hers.

“Anyways, my mom has been to see it once or twice, my dad and Charlie have been pulling the weekend shift with me to fix it up, and Danny has helped every now and then when he gets back to town. It’s coming along.”

“That’s great, Scott. I mean it.” She looked up at him and their eyes met.

“Well Kaitlyn came to town two days ago.”

Tessa took a deep breath and squared her shoulders for whatever news he was about to tell her. He pretended not to notice.

“She hadn’t been here since I’d bought the house and decided to renovate it. Sure, she’d heard about it. But she hadn’t seen it. I decided that we’d stay at my parents’ house for the weekend since the house is still basically a functioning minefield. I mean it. My foot went through the floor upstairs the other day.” Scott chuckled to himself, but kept walking. “Last night, we’d had an early dinner. Danny and his kids were in town and the kiddos were running around in the backyard. Out of nowhere, Kaitlyn just asked me if she could see the house.”

“Oh.” was all Tessa could manage in response. 

“I kind of froze, trying to think of a way to explain myself, but the damage had been done. By hesitating even for a second, she knew that I didn’t want her seeing it.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I guess that I knew the second she asked that I didn’t want her there. It’s something that I’ve poured my heart and soul into. That place is personal, and it wasn’t meant for her. At least not right now.”

“Well I’m sorry if this is too forward to ask.” Tessa began.

“Tessa, I’m an open book. Nothing is off limits for you.” Scott replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“If that house is where you plan on being in the future, and you don’t want her anywhere near it, then do you even envision a future with her?” She knew that it was the right question to ask. She just wasn’t sure that she wanted to know the answer.

“I can see a future with her. Absolutely.” Scott could see the sadness in her eyes as he spoke. “It just isn’t in that house.”

Tessa hummed in understanding.

“She said some pretty horrible stuff about how I would never be totally invested in our relationship, and a lot of it involved you. She accused me of constantly being involved with you, and that I would never be able to fully invest anywhere else. And then it all hit me. I hadn’t spoken to you in months. I barely knew what was happening in your life. And all of a sudden it felt as though I had discovered that I was missing my arm and I freaked out.”

“So you just left Kaitlyn at your parents house?” Tessa asked, her eyes wide and brow furrowed.

“Nope. By that point she had packed all of her stuff and driven to stay with a friend in London. And I couldn’t stay another moment in that house without seeing you.”

Tessa reached over at his admission and wrapped her arm around his waist, tucking herself into his side. He slung his arm over her shoulder, drawing her close, the two of them continuing to walk, despite the morning chill. Cold had never bothered them before.

“So aside from the house and Kaitlyn, how are you doing?”

“Pretty shitty, to be totally honest.” He felt the hand that was wrapped around her waist rub up and down his side, her touch comforting him more than anything else had in the last nine months. “When I’m sober, I’m working on the house. When I’m not working on the house, I’m drinking. I’ve never been good at processing change.”

“Well you seem to be processing right now, eh?” Her voice carried a slight tone of mischief, bringing her own light to their heavy conversation.

“I guess so.” He nodded. “I think I’m having a harder time figuring out what’s next. We always talked about ‘after Sochi.’ Well, it’s after Sochi, and I have no clue what I should be doing. Renovating a house is fine, but that’s not a long term solution. For all of the efforts our parents made to make sure that we had identities apart from figure skating, I’m having a hell of a time finding out what that is.”

“Me too.” Tessa admitted.

“Really?” Scott let out a laugh of disbelief. “Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’ve done a pretty fantastic job of figuring it out.”

“Just because it looks pretty on the outside doesn’t mean that I’m happy with it.” Tessa explained. “I think that I expected attending university to be more than what it has been. I had wanted the whole experience, you know? But I think that ship has sailed. I’m not eighteen, and so much of those typical university experiences are contingent upon living in residence and having that sort of camaraderie with other students. And I’m just the mid-twenties lady sitting in the front row of the lecture taking more notes than any self-respecting student should need to.”

“So now we’re back to square one, I guess.”

“And what would that be?” Tessa looked up to meet his eyes.

“Are we capable of finding joy anywhere other than being Tessa-and-Scott the figure skaters? Because I’m at a bit of a loss.”

“I don’t know.” She admitted. “I miss the training, though. I don’t think I realized how much I loved having a goal to work towards each day that was concrete and measurable. It was incredibly gratifying. Everything now feels a little aimless.”

“So where do we go from here?” He asked

“We continue to breathe a little.” Tessa stepped away from him, the cold November air biting the apples of her cheeks, staining them scarlett against the porcelain of her skin. “We keep trying to find out what we love, aside from skating. We continue to do the things that we felt we had missed out on. We check the boxes. We say yes. We owe it to ourselves.”

He went through the things that he’d always said he’d missed while skating, and while he understood what Tessa was talking about, he knew that he didn’t need to think through the things he missed nearly as much as she did. _Spend more time with family, be a better friend, find something that made him feel as alive as he did when he was skating with Tessa._ Three things. He could work on those three things.

“We say yes.” He echoed, his voice sounding hollow as it left his throat. He could try. He _would_ try. Though deep within, he knew it wouldn’t matter. Nothing could possibly compare to the rush he felt while competing with Tess, but she needed this time more than he did. And if time and new experiences were what she needed to realize that skating with him was where she belonged, he’d do whatever he could to give them to her.

Wordlessly, they turned around and headed back towards Tessa’s cottage. The wind blew soft across the trees beside the lake, a sense of calm settling over the pair in a way that they hadn’t experienced in well over a year, before Sochi, before silver, before aimless wandering. Maybe, perhaps just maybe, it would all turn out alright in the end.

They made their way up the stairs of the cottage, on to the front porch. The light was still on from the night before, a beacon calling him home to somewhere far more than a place.

They let themselves in to the cottage. The light filled the small living room, shafts of daylight pouring through the open windows. For a split second, Scott allowed himself to hope in a way he’d scarce allowed himself to do before- hope for a future that didn’t involve him wandering aimlessly through a life that he’d never envisioned for himself. It was time.

He turned to look at Tessa, pulling her close against his chest, swaying back and forth. _This amazing, magnificent, beautiful woman._ “I should probably head back at some point, considering I didn’t really tell anyone where I was going and my phone is dead underneath the seat of my car.”

“Yeah.” Tessa conceded. “What are you going to do, Scott?”

“I haven’t gotten there yet.” Scott’s voice was strong, but honest. “I haven’t quite figured it out, but I’ll probably end up picking up a few classes at the rink, here and there.” He paused and took a deep breath. “And I need to make things right with Kaitlyn.”

“Are you going to stay with her?”

“I haven’t decided yet.” He answered truthfully, wrapping his arms around Tessa even tighter. He paused for a moment to revel in the comfort he drew simply from being in her presence. “I think I need to figure out if I’m just marking time with her or if I actually see a future for the two of us. I don’t know that I do, but I don’t want to make a rash decision.”

“That makes sense.” Tessa took a deep breath, allowing Scott’s scent to permeate her senses. It had always been grounding to her. _Comfort. Home._ “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too, T.” He breathed into her hair. “We can’t do this again. I’ll be better, I swear. I need you back in my life.”

“Me too.” She answered honestly.

“So how do we start to make this happen?” He asked. “How do we prioritize time with one another?”

“Lindt had mentioned something about sponsoring us to do master classes across Canada. Perhaps we start there?” Tessa asked, drawing back to look him in the eye.

His eyes were alight with possibility. “Yeah!” He nodded vigorously. “Yeah, let’s definitely look into that. That would actually be perfect.”

“I think so, too.” She smiled. Her hand patted his chest before letting go. She took their travel mugs to the sink as he went up to gather his things. A feeling of warmth had settled over her chest. _Everything will be okay._

He emerged minutes later, his bag swung over his shoulder. He put his shoes on at the door as she made her way over. She snagged a blanket off the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders before opening the door again to the chilly morning. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as they made their way to where his car was parked in the driveway.

After his bag was back in the trunk, he pulled Tessa to his chest, wrapping his arms underneath the blanket that was keeping her warm. He breathed deeply against her, feeling as his heartbeat settled into rhythm against her own. She looked up at him, her eyes full of warmth and happiness.

He pressed his forehead against hers, his nose brushing hers ever so slightly. She could feel his breath mingling with her own. So close. He brought his hand up to cup the side of her face, running his thumb over her cheek. She drew back to look him in the eyes.

“I’ve missed this.” He whispered, a smile passing contentedly over his lips. “So much.”

Tessa savored the way his breath caressed her cheek as he spoke. She treasured every fragment of light refracted perfectly in his eyes. She cherished the way his arms wrapped around her torso, strong and certain. She committed these things to memory, a silent prayer that she wouldn’t forget them in his absence.

He pressed his lips to her forehead slowly, feeling her melt against him. He understood. 

“Love you, Tess.”

“Love you too.”

He pulled away from her embrace, cold immediately filling the space that she had held against him. He knew that she sensed it too, the way she pulled the blanket tighter around her. He climbed in the car and started the engine. With a slight wave, he put the car into reverse and backed down the driveway. He watched in his rearview mirror as the cottage faded into the distance, and Tessa, beautiful Tessa, stood watching his car disappear from her place on the front porch. 

As he pulled onto the highway, a subtle emptiness settled in his chest. Driving to Ilderton had always yielded a sense of joy, the knowledge that he’d find the people there that had known him since he was a child, the people who had watched him grow and supported him along the way. But for the first time he could ever remember, _home_ wasn’t tethered to a place. _Home_ was the knowledge that no matter what the damage, he was never beyond repair. _Home_ was a hot toddy and baring his soul, knowing that what he revealed would be cherished, validated, and protected. _Home_ was what would always be waiting when he’d gone out into the world to discover more of himself.

He took a deep breath, smiled, and thought of sparkling green eyes, brown hair, the brightest smile he knew, and a laugh that could turn heads. _Home._

**Author's Note:**

> This will be part of a series of one shots about the concept of home, be it person or place.
> 
> I'd love to know what you think! :)


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